Do I Have to Disclose My Finances on this Financial Disclosure Form?

One of the many perks of filing for divorce (whether you are filing the original Complaint, or the reactionary Counterclaim) is that you get to fill out a rather laborious document that aims to list your every asset, debt, and cost in the known universe.

What did you spend at Target last May?

Anticipating fire taxes?

Who is the beneficiary of the life insurance?  Is it term or whole or whatever the hell?

No one seems to know.  And no one cares.  No one except the other attorney.  No one will read your financial disclosure more carefully than the other attorney.  The jerk.

Beware of guesses.  Think your thrift savings might be thirty grand?  Three hundred grand?  If you’re not sure make a call or send a fax before signing your name.  In RI the financial disclosure form is, essentially, an affidavit.  You sign it stating it is an accurate snapshot of your current outlook.

Most lawyers most of the time won’t give you a hard time if you underestimate your cable bill a bit.

But forget a vehicle, or a house, or to list your business on there and your spouse’s attorney will make your life miserable for a bit before it is all over.

Sure it hurts to list that pension YOU have worked for thirty years.  But it won’t hurt as much as intentionally leaving it off when Wife mentions it in passing to her attorney, who has now made your Public Enemy #1 for a few months.

Rule of thumb – if you are truly not sure whether something has to be listed on there, just list it.  Trust me it’s easier to explain why you listed your grandma’s dentures than it is to leave anything out (depending on the language of your divorce, a party who fails to list an asset which is discovered after a divorce may have to part with 2/3, ¾ or all of that asset!).

If you have a decent attorney you can sleepwalk through parts of your divorce, to be honest.  But this isn’t one of those parts.  Ask questions, be specific, and demand the other party do the same.


A Note on Transparency in Family Court

The Family Court sometimes lends itself to … uncomfortable issues.  Sensitive discussions.  Past sexual abuse, financial desperation, domestic violence, a parent’s criminal record or medical record, sexual dysfunction.  What have you. The items to be argued must be weighed by the audience suffering the argument.  Only the most cruel Family Court attorney would blithely argue difficult matters in open court.  Hence the “chamber conference” – beloved by attorneys and judges but a subject of great frustration for the parties involved.  A chamber conference takes place away from prying eyes – and objections.  Involving the attorneys and the judge only, without the parties or the stenographer, attorneys utilize the chamber conference to argue the heart of a client’s case without any frills (concerns about how each party may receive the argument, worries about formal use of the rules of evidence, the minutiae of the matter).  A chamber conference forces the attorneys to adopt a 30,000 foot view of the case and move away from quibbling over the smaller issues.  It forces the attorneys to be, above all, reasonable.  In fact, a chamber conference is foremost a competition between the attorneys to couch his or her argument in the most favorable light.  There is no theater, no client to impress, no cheap points to be gained.  It is bare bones and we count on it for intractable cases (or parties).

This is because a chamber conference has an audience of only one (the judge) instead of an audience of several (the judge, the parties, the families of the parties, the public).  No grandstanding, no ego, no nonsense, the chamber conference if used properly allows each attorney to present the most important part of his or her client’s many concerns, to address those concerns, and more often than not come to a creative solution to address those concerns.  I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a chamber conference when an attentive judge, after listening to an attorney, asked simply, “What’s really the problem here”.  That’s what really happens.  But what the client sees is that his or her attorney goes in the back (into chambers) for ten or fifteen minutes and comes out with an idea or two about how to proceed which comes straight from the judge and may or may not be exhaustive in dealing with the concerns of the divorce or child custody matter.  If two skilled attorneys are involved they can take an abbreviated discussion with the Family Court judge and nurture it, adapting it to meet the questions and objections of the parties and create an Order (even just a temporary one) that can get each party out and on with their lives, even if only in the short term.

Of course, some matters are too complex, or the enmity between the parties is too deeply rooted to fully address in a conference, but we attorneys often find them more helpful than might be expected.

So, if you see your attorney head to the back to chat with the judge, this may well be in your interest, and the interests of everyone involved, including the kids!  Your lawyer is not just practicing their putting back there…


Hopelessness and Birthday Parties

Pacing the halls of the Family Court, ducking hurled shoes, deaf to hurled swears and the occasional voodoo curse (usually from one party to another, and only sometimes from a judge to an attorney or two…) with the tension, the screaming children, the screaming adults, and the general sense of hopelessness even grounded, practical attorneys can feel hopeless.  What is to be gained?  How can one possibly maintain his or her sanity here and still somehow craft a beneficial outcome for the client?  There are many ways tax attorneys and criminal attorneys gauge success.  New Audis.  Yachts.  But in family court – where the attorney / client relationship comes under acute strain early and often – it can particularly difficult to picture a finish line.

Which is why what happened to me recently took me by such surprise.  I am in the midst of a particularly nasty child custody battle (and that’s really saying something).  My office represents the Mother of the World’s Cutest Little Girl.  She is beyond adorable.  A week or so after our last court appearance I received an invitation from Mother / Client to attend her three-year-old’s birthday party.  Now, I must say, I have had plenty of happy clients in the past.  I have gotten the positive reviews, the invoice payments, the slaps on the back.  But I have never, ever, been congratulated like this before.  Being invited to the birthday party of the threenager you have been fighting over?  Tax attorneys don’t get that.

Co-Parenting During and After Divorce

Many parents choose to co-parent when they share joint custody of their child or children. This method of parenting makes children feel secure and can add consistency and structure back into a child’s life after a divorce. However, even the best parents can have a difficult time co-parenting effectively after a divorce.

Sometimes, the key to effective co-parenting is as easy as changing your frame of mind. First and foremost realize that while your marriage or relationship was about you and your former spouse, your new post-divorce relationship is solely about your child or children. Whatever happened or didn’t happen in the marriage likely has no place in your co-parenting communications. If it helps, try to look at the situation with almost a professional tone – your job is to raise a healthy and happy child, and completing that job effectively means you need to communicate with and spend time with your former spouse. Try to keep conversations polite, respectful, and about the children. Never put your children in the middle of your problems and don’t use them to send messages; if you need to communicate with your former spouse, make sure that you do it.

Co-parenting, as with any relationship, takes work and dedication, but the end result is worth it.


When you go to a Family Law attorney, be prepared to talk! Typically, a wide range of issues needs to be discussed depending on the subject. For divorces or separations involving children, you may need to discuss: custody, visitation, support, other people in your child’s life, health insurance, life insurance, possible education expenses, religion or other social issues, and any tax issues. For some divorces, you may need to discuss: support, property, jobs, income, real estate, assets, liabilities, pets, taxes, cars, support, history of domestic violence, protection orders, resuming maiden names, etc. These lists are not exhaustive and are just a sampling of some things you can be expected to talk about.

It is important that you talk with your attorney candidly and honestly. It is also important that you provide them with the documentation that they need in a timely manner to make sure the process itself stays timely. Don’t forget that your attorney is working towards a solution that best fits your needs.

Marissa McGill

Traveling (with shared custody)

Traveling is a great way to educate children about different cultures, places, and way of life. However, parents who share custody typically need to take a few extra steps to prepare for their trip, especially if they plan to take their child out of the country. In many cases, you will at least need the other parent’s permission, and it is a good idea to get that permission in writing, and possibly even bring that document with you on your travels. If the parents can’t agree on whether the child should be traveling or not, the courts may have to get involved.

If a child who is 15 years old or less needs to apply for a passport, both of his or her parents need to go with them to apply for the passport. If both parents cannot go, then the absent one must fill out a special form. If the absent parent can’t be located, the court may be able to grant permission.

The government also has a program where you can sign up to be notified if someone has applied for a passport for your child without your knowledge. This is of course to prevent the situations where one parent takes the other child out of the country without the other parent’s knowledge.

Traveling with shared custody can be a tricky situation and it is always a good idea to consult a lawyer beforehand. It is also a good idea to research the passport requirements for your particular situation. It is always better to be overcautious than to have any issues when trying to leave or enter the country.

Marissa McGill

EMERGENCY Restraining Orders

An Emergency Temporary Restraining Order is different from a regular Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) in that you may get an Emergency Temporary Restraining Order during evenings, weekends, or holidays (essentially when the courthouse is not open).

You can apply for this type of TRO by calling your local police department. However, if you do receive this type of TRO, you will need to go to the courthouse on the next business day, at which point the process for a regular TRO will take over. That means if you want the restraining order to continue beyond the temporary period, you will need to attend a hearing.

If you have any questions about Temporary Restraining Orders, please contact a Rhode Island Family Law Attorney.