Pacing the halls of the Family Court, ducking hurled shoes, deaf to hurled swears and the occasional voodoo curse (usually from one party to another, and only sometimes from a judge to an attorney or two…) with the tension, the screaming children, the screaming adults, and the general sense of hopelessness even grounded, practical attorneys can feel hopeless. What is to be gained? How can one possibly maintain his or her sanity here and still somehow craft a beneficial outcome for the client? There are many ways tax attorneys and criminal attorneys gauge success. New Audis. Yachts. But in family court – where the attorney / client relationship comes under acute strain early and often – it can particularly difficult to picture a finish line.
Which is why what happened to me recently took me by such surprise. I am in the midst of a particularly nasty child custody battle (and that’s really saying something). My office represents the Mother of the World’s Cutest Little Girl. She is beyond adorable. A week or so after our last court appearance I received an invitation from Mother / Client to attend her three-year-old’s birthday party. Now, I must say, I have had plenty of happy clients in the past. I have gotten the positive reviews, the invoice payments, the slaps on the back. But I have never, ever, been congratulated like this before. Being invited to the birthday party of the threenager you have been fighting over? Tax attorneys don’t get that.
Many parents choose to co-parent when they share joint custody of their child or children. This method of parenting makes children feel secure and can add consistency and structure back into a child’s life after a divorce. However, even the best parents can have a difficult time co-parenting effectively after a divorce.
Sometimes, the key to effective co-parenting is as easy as changing your frame of mind. First and foremost realize that while your marriage or relationship was about you and your former spouse, your new post-divorce relationship is solely about your child or children. Whatever happened or didn’t happen in the marriage likely has no place in your co-parenting communications. If it helps, try to look at the situation with almost a professional tone – your job is to raise a healthy and happy child, and completing that job effectively means you need to communicate with and spend time with your former spouse. Try to keep conversations polite, respectful, and about the children. Never put your children in the middle of your problems and don’t use them to send messages; if you need to communicate with your former spouse, make sure that you do it.
Co-parenting, as with any relationship, takes work and dedication, but the end result is worth it.
When you go to a Family Law attorney, be prepared to talk! Typically, a wide range of issues needs to be discussed depending on the subject. For divorces or separations involving children, you may need to discuss: custody, visitation, support, other people in your child’s life, health insurance, life insurance, possible education expenses, religion or other social issues, and any tax issues. For some divorces, you may need to discuss: support, property, jobs, income, real estate, assets, liabilities, pets, taxes, cars, support, history of domestic violence, protection orders, resuming maiden names, etc. These lists are not exhaustive and are just a sampling of some things you can be expected to talk about.
It is important that you talk with your attorney candidly and honestly. It is also important that you provide them with the documentation that they need in a timely manner to make sure the process itself stays timely. Don’t forget that your attorney is working towards a solution that best fits your needs.
Traveling is a great way to educate children about different cultures, places, and way of life. However, parents who share custody typically need to take a few extra steps to prepare for their trip, especially if they plan to take their child out of the country. In many cases, you will at least need the other parent’s permission, and it is a good idea to get that permission in writing, and possibly even bring that document with you on your travels. If the parents can’t agree on whether the child should be traveling or not, the courts may have to get involved.
If a child who is 15 years old or less needs to apply for a passport, both of his or her parents need to go with them to apply for the passport. If both parents cannot go, then the absent one must fill out a special form. If the absent parent can’t be located, the court may be able to grant permission.
The government also has a program where you can sign up to be notified if someone has applied for a passport for your child without your knowledge. This is of course to prevent the situations where one parent takes the other child out of the country without the other parent’s knowledge.
Traveling with shared custody can be a tricky situation and it is always a good idea to consult a lawyer beforehand. It is also a good idea to research the passport requirements for your particular situation. It is always better to be overcautious than to have any issues when trying to leave or enter the country.
An Emergency Temporary Restraining Order is different from a regular Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) in that you may get an Emergency Temporary Restraining Order during evenings, weekends, or holidays (essentially when the courthouse is not open).
You can apply for this type of TRO by calling your local police department. However, if you do receive this type of TRO, you will need to go to the courthouse on the next business day, at which point the process for a regular TRO will take over. That means if you want the restraining order to continue beyond the temporary period, you will need to attend a hearing.
If you have any questions about Temporary Restraining Orders, please contact a Rhode Island Family Law Attorney.
An important question for many people going through a divorce is which party will get to keep the family pet or pets. This is typically a dog, though this post could apply to many pets. As with most legal questions, the best answer is “it depends”. When trying to determine who should get the dog, the following things should be taken into consideration.
- Who can best take care of the dog? This includes feedings, exercises, veterinary appointments, grooming and/or baths, and etc. Alternatively, is there one party who can’t take care of the dog?
- Which party has the time to give the dog the attention, love, and care that it requires?
- Which party can better afford to take care of the dog?
- Are there any children involved that are attached to the dog? If so, which party will have that child?*
- Did the dog belong to one party before the marriage?
- Was the dog bonded to one party over another?
As with many situations in a divorce, it is much easier if the parties agree that one party should keep the dog. However, divorces are complicated and the parties are not always able to come to an agreement. This is why it is important to consult a local Family Law Attorney who understands how important your pet is to you, and that your pet is a part of your family.
So many couples put off divorce until their children are older, truly believing that once their children are adults themselves, the parents will then have the freedom to get a divorce without ruining their children’s perfect, married-parent childhood. However, this is not usually a good idea.
Children are pretty good at sensing emotions of the people that they are close to. Parents may be thinking that they are putting a good show on for their children, but many times, their children can tell that their home is not a happy one. This can be confusing and frustrating for children, especially if the parents act like everything is okay, since the children may feel that things are not okay, but their parents are telling them otherwise.
Children also may miss out on witnessing what a real, loving relationship looks like. They may grow up thinking that their parents are in love, but if what they see from their parents is anger, coldness, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, etc., they may erroneously believe that that is what love is. This puts the children at a disadvantage when they are trying to establish their own relationships.
Many times, divorce can bring relief to all members involved. Children could feel more secure if things are settled and they are kept updated (appropriately for their age level). Plus, they will certainly notice that mom and dad are happier apart, and therefore, likely better parents.